Sorry

I’ve been hiding pretty well I guess but I’m still all fucked up. I think you only notice when I crack under the pressure. I hate not seeing you. I hate not holding or kissing you.I hate waking up. I still plug through work but Its difficult knowing you’re one room away. I see that a part of you still likes me in some way but I can’t read the other part. That part seems like a don’t talk to me kind of a thing. I don’t know what to do. I’m sick of it all. In my dreams you forgive me, give me a kiss or hold my hand then I wake up. Every. single. morning. Sorry to be negative but I live with it every day so you handle reading it for two minutes.

Don’t you dare think that love is confused with neediness
its like having willingness confused with reluctance

I’m tired of going to bed and not wanting to wake up.

No one will ever love you and take care of you as much as I do..hope you know that..

If only you knew how sorry I am and how much I hate myself..

I only come here to vent to audience that will see this disregard it and go on with their day with out judging me.

I’m at the lowest of lows, that point where you question if going to work and school is worth it. I’m trying to hide how bad it really is in person , its difficult. When I’m home I just lay down and stare at the ceiling hoping for a text from you. Minutes drag on endlessly and hours are so much worse. Every time I blink I see you crying your heart out and every time I open my eyes I see something that reminds me of you and the moments we’ve had. I went to see one of my favorite bands and while directly in front of them on the barriers even there among the chaos I couldn’t stop my thoughts from straying and thinking about you. flashing memories of your smile and having you in my arms breaking up my reality.
 You say I’ll be fine with out you but you haven’t seen me. I cant go through a couple minutes without wanting to break down.
 The thing that scares me most is that you no longer have feelings for me and I would never sacrifice your happiness for mine. truth is your responsible for the best moments of my life where I was truly happy, you’re my everything. I love you and will never stop even if the idea repulses you.  

I just saw an ad on Craigslist for a guy wanting to trade something of his for your iPhone 4.

mrharveynygma:

What is this thing he has to trade? A male or female American Eskimo puppy. That should be illegal… I’m just saying…

why? quit being a sensitive ho